A couple of weeks ago I introduced a new regular feature on my blog called “Ask Faith“. With so many people connecting with Tainted Love’s Faith McKenzie through her story, I wanted to bring you the opportunity to get to know her a little more.
One of the most asked questions I receive regarding Tainted Love is around Faith’s commitment to her marriage. The relationship disintegrates over twenty-five years.
What many people ask of Faith is: Why Would She Stay?
You have to understand the man who hurts me is not the man I married. He’s not the man who looks upon me like I’m the rarest and most precious of gemstones in the entire world and he is the poorest of men who has stumbled up me. He is not the man who asked me to promise I’d never walk away from him again the day he asked me to marry him. He is not the man who held me and refused to let me go the first time his fist crossed my cheek accidentally because he knew I’d leave him that night.
My husband is a man with demons. He has childhood nightmares of his father hurting his mother. He is haunted by the ghosts of his first marriage, by the deaths of his wife, Emma, and their son, Ethan. He is terrified of losing me to same fate, terrified of a situation he can’t do anything about and it sends him over the edge.
He came close once. To losing me to Emma’s fate. And we did lose our son. It took us along time to find out way back to a happy loving couple. To learn I was pregnant again was a shock. But Calvin is the man who sat beside me for sixteen hours while I slept because he was worried after he’d lost his temper. He’s the man who told me he that even though he wants more children he can’t go through another pregnancy again, it would be too traumatic for him.
I understand he was frightened, I pushed him into a situation he cannot control. I made him live on the edge when he told me he couldn’t handle it. He lived there for so long and he crossed lines he’d never crossed before, never wanted to cross because of his father, he can’t find his way back. But he will. I’ll never ever defy him again. I don’t know who the man who takes over my husband’s body during his most darkest time. I don’t like that I am the reason he is there. If only I had listened, did as he asked, made the children behaved the way he wanted, if only I was the kind of wife he wanted. But at the moment I don’t know what he wants, he changes his mind and his moods from on minute to the next. All I know is, this is my fault. My failings as his wife.
This is why I stay. Because my husband is a sweet, caring man despite his darker side and I love him, and he will change. He will. Because he loves me too.
If you have any questions for Faith, leave them in the comments.
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